MILF machine

My friend Keekee (my spelling, not hers) and I have been loyal gym buddies for the past two years. We both reached our skinnest adult weights in this time. Mine had a lot to do with the fact that I didn't have a boyfriend or a car, so obsessing about myself naked was my main summer pastime. Hers was attributed to one well timed stomach flu. During this particular virus, I practically licked her face for the germs, to no avail.
The funny thing about being your skinniest, is that you never know it's happening until a year later and you are looking at your old facebook profile and gawking at your surprising lack of chin wobble and low bra to underarm fat ratio.
We still go to the gym together, but only about two times a week, rather than our previous two times a day. And when we do go, we usually just gossip on the MILF machine (what my friend Jacob calls the elliptical, although, at our gym, it should be called the geriatric whirlybird).
Anyway! Where this story is going is that at the beginning of each year, I am reticent to go to the gym cause I just know it is going to be packed with the new years resolution-ers. They are usually gone by January 15th and I can stop ignoring them and start re-ignoring the pushy swimming team bitches. They think they own the locker room, with their hair flinging and scented oils for the sauna rocks! Other people may not love sandalwood ladies, scent yourself on your own time.. I don't want to have to know anything about it!
Knowing my love of exercising and my love of lists, my boyfriend passed this along to me. (Kidding. That's not why he sent it. He sent it cause he said #4 reminded him of me, which I am deeply offended by. I mean, if I am on a recumbent bike, I'm not eating burritos, so I consider it a step in the right direction).
Enjoy the list. They are wise words to heed.